Falling in love sure hasn’t been easy for me. The most painful feeling in the world isn’t caused by physical injury or sickness. It is caused by the feeling of being ignored by the person whom you love. I admit I may not be a perfect guy. However, all this while I have been trying my best to make her take notice of me, to be the one that initiates the first move in this relationship. Yet, sometimes I feel that all my efforts were in vain. A friend once told me to be brave and persistent. She said that X actually has positive feelings for me as well. However, up till now I can’t feel anything of such from her. Is it that hard to make someone take notice of you? Why is it that hard for someone to respond to your feelings? I just don’t understand! Sometimes, I felt like giving up on her. I wanted to forget about her. Yet, I just couldn’t do it. I really don’t know how long I can keep this up………
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Just babbling.....
Sunday, March 14, 2010
A Sailing Trip Into Life.....
This year has been like a sailing trip on the sea for me. Life itself has been quite exciting yet challenging at the same time. During the recent months, my life was like a journey at the seven seas. Life itself was unpredictable. Sometimes, it was as exciting and peaceful like a beautiful sunny day. Sometimes, it was as challenging and rocky like a thunderstorm. Recently, I have experienced yet another déjà vu. It was a feeling I have not felt for quite sometime since I left secondary school. A feeling that makes you restless each time you see that person. An intimate feeling that makes you feel elevated and nervous at the same time each time you talk to her. Yes…..I have developed another crush on a girl. And recently, this feeling just got stronger ever since a chat I had with her via msn.
At first, I have not thought that I would fall in love with her due to the age gap that we have between us. (No….I’m not a paedophile). In fact, she’s four years older than me. However, I don’t really mind the age gap. In my opinion, she’s a wonderful person. Her personal attributes attracts me in so many ways that I don’t even know where to begin to describe. She’s elegant, charming, beautiful, mature, energetic, daring, intelligent, etc…..The list is infinite. She’s just perfect in my eyes.
A few months ago, she told me via msn that she wanted to resign. She said she finds the job boring and stressful. As soon as I knew about this, I was devastated. I suddenly realised how deep my affection towards her is. I began to feel scared; scared that I will never see her again if she resigns. Scared that I will lose any chance to be with her. Scared that we won’t be able to be together like we are now again. At that moment, I knew that I have to tell her about how I felt towards her. And I did….I told her how I truly felt. That I like her and I don’t want her to leave. Actually, I don’t want to confess to her like this. I wanted to tell her this face to face but it’s now or never. I knew that if I don’t tell her then, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t want this relationship to end like the previous one. In fact, I don’t want it to end when it hasn’t even started yet.
After telling her how I felt, she politely rejected me. She said that she wasn’t ready to open her heart yet. After that, I kinda felt disappointed. However, I still felt a sense of relieve that I manage to tell her how I felt at least. Soon after, she gave the letter to our employer. Fortunately, our employer rejected it. In my heart, I felt so happy and relieved that she wasn’t able to resign.
At that time, I truly wished with all my heart that we can stay as we are now even though she didn’t accept me. Actually, who am I kidding? Deep down inside my heart, I still wanted to be with her.
Almost three months has past since she first told me about her resignation. Currently, things are still how they used to be. We are still working together. Occasionally, we would talk either face to face or via msn. Recently, I tried asking her out to watch “Alice In Wonderland” together. However, she said that she’s not free this month. I actually felt quite proud of myself, seeing how shy I was during my 1st crush at secondary school. But I’m not going to give up now. I’ll ask her out again the next time. Hopefully, she would agree during my next attempt and luck doesn’t run out on me.
At first, I have not thought that I would fall in love with her due to the age gap that we have between us. (No….I’m not a paedophile). In fact, she’s four years older than me. However, I don’t really mind the age gap. In my opinion, she’s a wonderful person. Her personal attributes attracts me in so many ways that I don’t even know where to begin to describe. She’s elegant, charming, beautiful, mature, energetic, daring, intelligent, etc…..The list is infinite. She’s just perfect in my eyes.
A few months ago, she told me via msn that she wanted to resign. She said she finds the job boring and stressful. As soon as I knew about this, I was devastated. I suddenly realised how deep my affection towards her is. I began to feel scared; scared that I will never see her again if she resigns. Scared that I will lose any chance to be with her. Scared that we won’t be able to be together like we are now again. At that moment, I knew that I have to tell her about how I felt towards her. And I did….I told her how I truly felt. That I like her and I don’t want her to leave. Actually, I don’t want to confess to her like this. I wanted to tell her this face to face but it’s now or never. I knew that if I don’t tell her then, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t want this relationship to end like the previous one. In fact, I don’t want it to end when it hasn’t even started yet.
After telling her how I felt, she politely rejected me. She said that she wasn’t ready to open her heart yet. After that, I kinda felt disappointed. However, I still felt a sense of relieve that I manage to tell her how I felt at least. Soon after, she gave the letter to our employer. Fortunately, our employer rejected it. In my heart, I felt so happy and relieved that she wasn’t able to resign.
At that time, I truly wished with all my heart that we can stay as we are now even though she didn’t accept me. Actually, who am I kidding? Deep down inside my heart, I still wanted to be with her.
Almost three months has past since she first told me about her resignation. Currently, things are still how they used to be. We are still working together. Occasionally, we would talk either face to face or via msn. Recently, I tried asking her out to watch “Alice In Wonderland” together. However, she said that she’s not free this month. I actually felt quite proud of myself, seeing how shy I was during my 1st crush at secondary school. But I’m not going to give up now. I’ll ask her out again the next time. Hopefully, she would agree during my next attempt and luck doesn’t run out on me.
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