I am quite depressed these days. My heart has become very heavy and painful due to my romance life. This time, I really think that I’m not that suited for her. Today, when I was on my way home from the LRT station, I met one of my friends “Chai Li Chen”. We chat for a while about my romance and my relationship with Pei Wen. The friend I mentioned is a girl also but don’t misunderstand me because she is also one of my best friends whom I like to chat and share my secrets with. There is a problem between me and Pei Wen. It seems like I have lots of things to talk when I am facing my friends but when I am chating with her, I am speechless. It’s like talking to a stranger I’ve just met. I don’t want to say in front of her. I think the cause of this problem might because we are too fast. Sometimes, I wish that time would turn back it self and she did not expressed her feelings that early and we could start all over from scratch. This way, we could know each other better and have a better conversation in life instead of being so speechless and useless. Besides that, I still have another problem. After hearing what Chai Li Chen said, I’ve been doing some thinking myself. She said that Nam Yen might have an important place in Pei Wen’s heart. May be she is correct because both of them have been good friends for a long time. When one of them have some problems, they will talk to each other about it. They also have the same interest which is watching movies. Therefore, both of them have lots of things to talk unlike me. I also like watching movies but the problem is I don’t have Astro and my dad don’t like to waste money on buying VCDs. In addition, both of them are neighbours and during certain times like this year’s mooncake festival, Pei Wen went to Nam Yen’s house. Things doesn’t ends there. Both of them also have their own handphone and they also like to play miss calls and sms among themselves. I am different from them because my interests lie in computers and games. Therefore, it is hard for me to find something to talk to her. Both of us like songs too but I prefer to hear English songs because I don’t know how to sing Chinese and Cantonese songs but she is the opposite. Sometimes when she is playing Chinese chess or discussing something about Chinese or talking about movies, I would just sit there and listen. All of this makes me feel really useless sometimes and I hate myself for that reason. Sometimes, I even think of breaking up with her before we start to “pak tor” to prevent unhappy endings between us but I just can’t do it. I am really jealous of Nam Yen. In conclusion, I think I’m not ready for romance yet. I might want to concentrate on being a normal teenager first.
