A lovey~dovey story

In this mysterious universe, there is still an enigma which mankind still can’t solve and control. That enigma is love. Can anyone tell me what love is? I have been in love with a girl for five years now and I still can’t make the same feeling which is making my life lively but torturing me at the same time vanish.

Even though I know that this puppy love relationship which I have been yearning so much might be vain in the end I still can’t forget about her. Pei Wen is the most beautiful belle in my school and every where she goes there will be guys who wants to get close to her. Whenever I see or hear about guys who are trying to be her boyfriend, I would feel so insecure and afraid. I don’t want to experience the pain I went through last year when Pei Wen start dating a new guy. The pain was so excruciating that my heart feels like it has been stabbed by thousands of knives and squashed by a 100 tonne rock. I cannot bear watching her talking with other guys. Recently, I heard Pei Wen and her friends talking about a guy who is trying to captivate her heart. (I’m not spying on her. I heard them talking because she was sitting beside me.) When the bell rings, as usual I accompanied her to bus. Then, a guy approached her and asked her who I was and she replied I was just a friend. Even though I knew that we were not couples, those words which she uttered pierced my heart like an arrow. The guy then said that he would be sad if I was her BF. At that time, I got afraid that some day se might start dating other guys again. At that night, she signed in on her hotmail. At that night, I finally told her how I felt about her and asked her whether she would be willing to give me any chance if I want to be her boyfriend. I intended to tell her that at school or somewhere we would see each other until I realised that there is no way we would have any privacy. Two days later, she sent me a message via SMS and told me that she is not ready for any relationship. I was not that sad because I have already expected this might happen. Instead, I felt a little relieved because at least I managed to tell her the feelings I have for her which I have always kept it hidden in my heart.

I knew that this was a futile attempt. Even if she did accept me, it probably won’t last long. Do you know why? Here are the reasons. She was selected to participate in the national service. That means I won’t be able to see her for 3 months. I also can’t find any activities that we can spend time together. I tried so many things such as asking her out or forming a study group but it didn’t work. We also have different interest when it comes to academics. She is the type who likes maths and anything that involves calculations such as accounting and physics but she hates subjects that need constant reading and memorising such as history and biology. She is also not that good in linguistic subjects such as Malay and English. Ironically, I am bad in subjects that involve calculations. When I say I’m bad, I don’t mean that I always fail my maths. I mean I always have silly mistakes when solving a maths problem. I call myself the King of Silly Mistakes. I’m so careless when doing maths that my maths teacher, Mrs Tan said that she would shave off my eyebrows if I continue to do anymore silly mistakes. (She meant that as a joke of course.) I excel better in linguistic subjects and subjects that need reading such as history and biology. Haha, we are the total opposites. I can’t find anything common between us to start a conversation. Normally, I would talk about the current affairs which I read in the newspaper or topics related to computers with my friends but she is not interested in any of that.

As SPM draws near, I also thought about my future career. Even though I'm in Science Stream, I'm not interested to become a wage earner. Many people in Science stream would aspire to become an engineer or a doctor when they graduate. However, I think that it is not wise to choose such careers if you intend to work in Malaysia. I certainly don't want to study at the university for more than 5 years and spend thousands of ringgit just to graduate and work as an engineer with a beginning salary of RM2000. After struggling hard for several years, my wage finally increased to RM3000. If I choose medicine, I would need to study for 8 years in the university. Then, I would need to serve my housemanship for 1 years before qualifying as a doctor. That means I would only start working at the age of 31 years old. It would take me at least 3 years to finish paying my debt and a at least 5 more years before I can buy my own car, house and marry the woman I love. So, I think I might take up Child Psychology and venture into careers that involve children since I am a part time tutor now. Such careers may be promising according to my tutor. Every parent in the world care so much about their children that they are willing to spend money so that they would grow up as a better person in life. Even a slight fever would make the parents jittery and panic. Some parents who pamper their children so much that they would buy anything that they like. Money is no longer a predicament that they have to worry about as long as their children are happy. I have seen a lot of this kind of parents. Some of my students get RM200 a month. Some even change their school bags at least 3 times a year. Another type of parent is the paranoid ones. They worry so much about their children’s education that they would sent them to tuition classes everyday. Their children are so busy going to tuition that they won’t have anytime to watch television or play. These children would then either grow up as a passive and sombre person or a mischievous monkey that hates school. These kind of students are the ones who would normally give me plenty of headaches and stress. Asking them to do some exercises is like telling them to jump into a pond filled with meat-craving crocodiles. They felt so frustrated with their hectic and stressful life that they would become bored of learning. Have you heard of the proverb, “All work but no play makes Jack a dull boy”? This is the same situation. Such parents would rather starve to pay for such expenditures. Well, business is a selfish career unless you open a charity company.

Since Pei Wen like maths so much, she should have entered account stream instead of science stream. Accountancy is a great option. According to a report I saw in the newspaper, our country will face a shortage of accountants in the future as most of our accountants choose to work at Singapore or China which offer better wages. A professional accountant can earn more than RM10000 a month. She might even earn more money than I do in the future. Who knows. However, every good thing in life must come with a price. As you know, an accountant is responsible for managing and recording the income and the expenditures of a company which in the end will affect the net profit or loss made by the company. Therefore, the burden would be really stressful. I heard from my accountancy tutor that some even need to work until midnight and spend the night at the company just to finish her work. He said that you are not allowed to leave until you have finished your work if the company needs the accounts prepared by tomorrow. This is the same if you make an error when preparing your accounts. Well, I shouldn’t be condemning accountancy so much because I think there’s not a single job in this world which is easy and lucrative. Even robbing a bank is a very stressful and risky job.

Ok, let’s get back to the main topic. What I meant was we would have so many differences that I have started to give up hope. I know that this relationship which I am hoping for might be futile. The moral of this story is do not expect too much in the things you want and do not make promises or conclusions on a whim as things might not turn out as well as we expect in the future. I’m not the only one who has problems with romance. Still remember the genius I always mentioned, Liew Hui? He is also frustrated because of his crush he has on a girl in my class, Ai Teng. Even my good friend, Chit Bin also has one too. I don’t want to talk too much about their problem as these stuffs are private and I should respect them.

My Fetish Towards A Girl Whom I Like

In this post, I would like to write a few things about the girl that I like or I love. Ever since form 1, I find that there is only one girl that I feel is special to me. Even though there are also many girls in my school who are quite pretty, I’m still only attracted to her. That girl is Pei Wen. I have never been engrossed in a girl this much in my life. Even though, we haven’t really been in a loving couple relationship before, I still can’t stop thinking about her. The reason I type this post today is because I missed her so much that I can’t do anything else. My head keeps on conceiving the image of her and I can’t stop staring at her pictures which I uploaded to my gallery. Each time I look at her smile, my heart keeps beating faster and my hormone level keeps on increasing. I really felt like hugging her and talking to her. I was kept on distracted by my feelings towards her today when I wanted to do my revision and do some house chores since this week is a holiday. Every time, I tried to think or do something when I’m alone, an image of her would just pop into my mind. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking of her. At first, I thought that my feelings towards her have already subsided a little when Pei Wen and my “nemesis” …. got together last year. However, when they broke up at the end of the year, there was a feeling of relieve cum hope inside my heart. This year, we started sitting side by side with each other with only a walking lane that separates our seats. After some time, we started to become a little closer. We started talking to each other and ask questions regarding studies. I realised that I am still very attracted to her. This attractiveness increases as she started to show some signs that she might still have feelings for me. For example, sometimes she would tap my arm instead of just calling my name whenever she wanted to ask me something. There are also some other actions which makes me suspect that I may still have a place in her heart. Every time I walked past her, my eyes would sometimes be averted towards her. There’s a feeling in heart that makes me want to become more intimate with her. Lately during this recent trial exam, I went to sit by her side occasionally to chat with her. Sometimes, I would also wait for her as school ends and we would walk out together. I really felt happy when we were being together. Now, I want our relationship to go even further and become more intimate than just friends. I want us to become a great couple. I want to love her as my girlfriend. I want us to be together in the same school next year. I hope that we would be able to be together forever. She is the only girl that makes me feel this anxious and jittery. There are no other girl that I met before have ever made me feel this way. Pei Wen, I love you.