In this mysterious universe, there is still an enigma which mankind still can’t solve and control. That enigma is love. Can anyone tell me what love is? I have been in love with a girl for five years now and I still can’t make the same feeling which is making my life lively but torturing me at the same time vanish.
Even though I know that this puppy love relationship which I have been yearning so much might be vain in the end I still can’t forget about her. Pei Wen is the most beautiful belle in my school and every where she goes there will be guys who wants to get close to her. Whenever I see or hear about guys who are trying to be her boyfriend, I would feel so insecure and afraid. I don’t want to experience the pain I went through last year when Pei Wen start dating a new guy. The pain was so excruciating that my heart feels like it has been stabbed by thousands of knives and squashed by a 100 tonne rock. I cannot bear watching her talking with other guys. Recently, I heard Pei Wen and her friends talking about a guy who is trying to captivate her heart. (I’m not spying on her. I heard them talking because she was sitting beside me.) When the bell rings, as usual I accompanied her to bus. Then, a guy approached her and asked her who I was and she replied I was just a friend. Even though I knew that we were not couples, those words which she uttered pierced my heart like an arrow. The guy then said that he would be sad if I was her BF. At that time, I got afraid that some day se might start dating other guys again. At that night, she signed in on her hotmail. At that night, I finally told her how I felt about her and asked her whether she would be willing to give me any chance if I want to be her boyfriend. I intended to tell her that at school or somewhere we would see each other until I realised that there is no way we would have any privacy. Two days later, she sent me a message via SMS and told me that she is not ready for any relationship. I was not that sad because I have already expected this might happen. Instead, I felt a little relieved because at least I managed to tell her the feelings I have for her which I have always kept it hidden in my heart.
I knew that this was a futile attempt. Even if she did accept me, it probably won’t last long. Do you know why? Here are the reasons. She was selected to participate in the national service. That means I won’t be able to see her for 3 months. I also can’t find any activities that we can spend time together. I tried so many things such as asking her out or forming a study group but it didn’t work. We also have different interest when it comes to academics. She is the type who likes maths and anything that involves calculations such as accounting and physics but she hates subjects that need constant reading and memorising such as history and biology. She is also not that good in linguistic subjects such as Malay and English. Ironically, I am bad in subjects that involve calculations. When I say I’m bad, I don’t mean that I always fail my maths. I mean I always have silly mistakes when solving a maths problem. I call myself the King of Silly Mistakes. I’m so careless when doing maths that my maths teacher, Mrs Tan said that she would shave off my eyebrows if I continue to do anymore silly mistakes. (She meant that as a joke of course.) I excel better in linguistic subjects and subjects that need reading such as history and biology. Haha, we are the total opposites. I can’t find anything common between us to start a conversation. Normally, I would talk about the current affairs which I read in the newspaper or topics related to computers with my friends but she is not interested in any of that.
As SPM draws near, I also thought about my future career. Even though I'm in Science Stream, I'm not interested to become a wage earner. Many people in Science stream would aspire to become an engineer or a doctor when they graduate. However, I think that it is not wise to choose such careers if you intend to work in Malaysia. I certainly don't want to study at the university for more than 5 years and spend thousands of ringgit just to graduate and work as an engineer with a beginning salary of RM2000. After struggling hard for several years, my wage finally increased to RM3000. If I choose medicine, I would need to study for 8 years in the university. Then, I would need to serve my housemanship for 1 years before qualifying as a doctor. That means I would only start working at the age of 31 years old. It would take me at least 3 years to finish paying my debt and a at least 5 more years before I can buy my own car, house and marry the woman I love. So, I think I might take up Child Psychology and venture into careers that involve children since I am a part time tutor now. Such careers may be promising according to my tutor. Every parent in the world care so much about their children that they are willing to spend money so that they would grow up as a better person in life. Even a slight fever would make the parents jittery and panic. Some parents who pamper their children so much that they would buy anything that they like. Money is no longer a predicament that they have to worry about as long as their children are happy. I have seen a lot of this kind of parents. Some of my students get RM200 a month. Some even change their school bags at least 3 times a year. Another type of parent is the paranoid ones. They worry so much about their children’s education that they would sent them to tuition classes everyday. Their children are so busy going to tuition that they won’t have anytime to watch television or play. These children would then either grow up as a passive and sombre person or a mischievous monkey that hates school. These kind of students are the ones who would normally give me plenty of headaches and stress. Asking them to do some exercises is like telling them to jump into a pond filled with meat-craving crocodiles. They felt so frustrated with their hectic and stressful life that they would become bored of learning. Have you heard of the proverb, “All work but no play makes Jack a dull boy”? This is the same situation. Such parents would rather starve to pay for such expenditures. Well, business is a selfish career unless you open a charity company.
Since Pei Wen like maths so much, she should have entered account stream instead of science stream. Accountancy is a great option. According to a report I saw in the newspaper, our country will face a shortage of accountants in the future as most of our accountants choose to work at Singapore or China which offer better wages. A professional accountant can earn more than RM10000 a month. She might even earn more money than I do in the future. Who knows. However, every good thing in life must come with a price. As you know, an accountant is responsible for managing and recording the income and the expenditures of a company which in the end will affect the net profit or loss made by the company. Therefore, the burden would be really stressful. I heard from my accountancy tutor that some even need to work until midnight and spend the night at the company just to finish her work. He said that you are not allowed to leave until you have finished your work if the company needs the accounts prepared by tomorrow. This is the same if you make an error when preparing your accounts. Well, I shouldn’t be condemning accountancy so much because I think there’s not a single job in this world which is easy and lucrative. Even robbing a bank is a very stressful and risky job.
Ok, let’s get back to the main topic. What I meant was we would have so many differences that I have started to give up hope. I know that this relationship which I am hoping for might be futile. The moral of this story is do not expect too much in the things you want and do not make promises or conclusions on a whim as things might not turn out as well as we expect in the future. I’m not the only one who has problems with romance. Still remember the genius I always mentioned, Liew Hui? He is also frustrated because of his crush he has on a girl in my class, Ai Teng. Even my good friend, Chit Bin also has one too. I don’t want to talk too much about their problem as these stuffs are private and I should respect them.
However, things are different when it comes to situations that involve money. As you know, I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I’m just an ordinary teenager who gets his monthly allowances via part-time jobs unlike my super hyper advance rich and pampered friend, U Vin. That means, no work, no money to spend.
